According to our super reliable and super secret sources, current PSG striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic is a rumored transfer target of the Cascadia Soccer League’s Spor Repor Salmon.

Sources close to Zlatan say the Salmon have been in close contact with the Swedish international and talks are, according to sources, going “swimmingly.”

Sources are unable to discuss the exact offer being proposed to the striker, whose also fielding offers from Manchester United, China, Atlantis, MLS, and Bellevue High School.

Rumors, according to sources, say that sources say the offer appears to be in the range of $100-$100,000,000 over the course of 1 1/2 seasons.

Sources, according to rumors, say that rumors are Zlatan is contemplating a move to the Spor Repor Salmon based around the fact that the salmon is the fish that “best characterizes what it is to be a zlatanfish. Zlatan is a¬†zlatanfish. If a salmon is a zlatanfish, then they are the Spor Repor Zlatanfish. I like zlatanfish.”

Rumors, according to sources, based around rumors, coming from sources close to the situation say that the Spor Repor Salmon have a 0.0000000001% chance to land Ibrahimovic in the upcoming summer transfer window.

The Cascadia Soccer League transfer window opens July 1st.