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The University of Washington have announced the scheduling of a non-conference football game in 2017 against Archbishop Murphy HS.

Following a recent cancellation by Rutgers on the grounds of “like hell we’re going through that again”, the Washington Huskies will open their 2017 regular season at home against the Everett-area high school.

Archbishop Murphy have recently taken the world of Washington state high school football by storm after beating their first three opponents this season by a combined score of 509-0. Since then, every remaining opponent on the Wildcats’s regular season schedule have cancelled their games on the grounds of “have you seen the size of those suckers”.

Head coach Jerry Jensen and his players are ecstatic at the opportunity to play the Washington Huskies. “After we poured all of this money I MEAN hard word into this program, we’re happy to see the results pay off I MEAN result, simply result, in us playing such a high-caliber program as Washington,” said Jensen. “I mean, do you know where Granite Falls is on a map? I thought Granite Falls was a cartoon. Apparently it’s a real town with 3,364 residents. The combined weight of our offensive and defensive lines combined is 3,364 lbs. Talk about a disparity.”

“It’s going to be a nice warm-up game to start our 2017 season,” said Huskies head coach Chris Petersen. “We’re glad to schedule another game in front of our home fans ever since Rutgers cancelled our previous game. Not having to travel to New Jersey seems like a positive.”

In the meantime, many are criticizing the Florida Panthers, I mean Archbishop Murphy HS Wildcats, for being able to game the system by recruiting players outside of their nearby┬ávicinity due to their status as a private school. “How do you expect us to compete. They’ve already headhunted two of our secondary starters and our kicker. They’ve done the same with others in our conference as well. There needs to be limits placed on Archbishop or else they should move up a level and pick on teams their own size,” said Puget Sound Loggers head football coach Jeff Thomas.