After years of trial and errors, the Seattle Seahawks organization has successfully finished cloning former running back Marshawn Lynch.
The clone of Lynch, whose biological clock has been reverted to when he was 26 years old, will become Seahawks new starting running back for the remainder of the season. Due to this breakthrough, the Seahawks have waived Christine Michael who has been Seattle’s leading rusher this season.
“We originally planned on completing our cloning of Marshawn in time for the start of the 2016 season,” said Seahawks owner Paul Allen. “Ultimately, we had to delay the project multiple times. We wanted to make sure Marshawn’s clone was buggy and didn’t require a first-game patch. Hopefully these delays will end up resulting in a better performing model that won’t need excessive DLC as the season progresses in order to appease our coaching staff.”
Following this news, Lynch was asked his thoughts on being cloned by his former employer.
“I was skeptical when Seattle approached me in 2011; saying they wanted to clone me,” said Lynch. “I was like, ‘Nobody can mimic Beast Mode. Not even a clone of Beast Mode. In the end, they informed me that when I bought my new Surface tablet, there was a line in the terms and service agreement that allowed Microsoft to extract my DNA for the process of cloning. I should’ve read the contract, man. It’s just so many pages. No one reads those things.”
When asked how Lynch’s clone will performance once game time rolls around, head coach Pete Carroll stated, “We aren’t expecting any tremors but we’re hoping Lynch will be able to make a positive influence on our offense. It’s sad to see Michael go. He was a solid running back. He just couldn’t fill Marshawn’s shoes. And, when you’re handed another Marshawn, it’s a pretty easy decision to start him over another running back; no matter their skill level.”
Lynch’s clone will see his first action this Sunday when the Seahawks face Philadelphia at home.