It has been announced that Safeco will not be renewing their stadium naming rights deal with the Seattle Mariners. This means that following the 2018 season, Safeco Field will be no more and the Mariners will seek out a new stadium naming rights partner. 

Given all of the tantalizing options this opportunity might procure, we at Spor Repor can’t help but get in on the fun. So, limiting myself to about thirty minutes (since I could probably do this for hours), here are all the names we’ve come up with as possible replacements for Safeco Field. 

Amazon Jungle

Clearly this is the best option on the table. With Amazon being a company name that’s pleasant to here and doesn’t sound corporate like CenturyLink, it’s ripe for the picking. So, while we’re at it, why not settle for a unique locale name to tag alongside it instead the standard “Stadium” or “Park” or “Field” format. So many goddamn stadiums play Welcome To The Jungle as it is. Sooner or later, one of them is bound to actually change their name to Jungle so why don’t the Mariners be trend setters. 

Mushroom Kingdome 

 

This is just too damn inventive for its own good. We already know Nintendo are big enough fans of the Mariners to have owned the team until recently so they should be in the naming rights running. Given that Mario’s Mushroom Kingdom is the most recognizable location in the Nintendo universe, it makes perfect sense to play off that name using that infamous hunk of concrete. 

Pokemon Stadium

We’re all thinking it god dammit! Come on Pokemon! Make this nerd’s dream come true!

Darigold Farm

I mean, Major League Baseball’s minor league system is called “farm system.”

Seattle’s Best Ballpark

Tully’s Coffee Coliseum

Because Seattle likes coffee.

Costco Park

We all need more $1.50 hot dogs in our lives and what better place then at a ballgame. 

Napster Field

Yep, they’re totally still around. They’re completely above board nowadays and coincidentally based in Seattle. Given that many people think Napster has gone the way of AskJeeves or Friendster, they might easily be the ones to benefit the most from having the stadium naming rights.

Steam Stadium

With Seattle having a healthy hipster population, Valve could play to that strength using the name of their PC gaming platform.

R.E.I. Pond

Following Jungle, Pond is another unique locale name that actually ties into the Mariners nickname. Since R.E.I. are the biggest nature lovers in the Seattle, they’re name fits best with Pond. Hell, R.E.I. Field or R.E.I. Park also would work. 

Times up.