Oregon Football Program Able To Pay Off Tab At Local Marijuana Dispensaries Following Surplus Sale

Following their annual surplus sale last weekend, the Oregon football program has announced they’ve been able to successfully pay off their tabs at multiple Eugene marijuana dispensaries. 

The Ducks football program, who ran up tabs at six area dispensaries in order to fuel the program’s marijuana consumption, were able to pay off all of their tabs as of Friday morning.

Sources close to the matter state that Oregon had ran up tabs totaling $10,000 over the past fall and spring football seasons. Oregon were able to recoup that money thanks to the proceeds from last Saturday’s surplus sale at their football facilities. 

“Everyone on staff were given a trash bag earlier in the week and told to fill it up with junk from around the office,” stated intern Karen Whitter. “If it had been worn more than once, it went in the trash bags. If it clashed with this season’s style guide, it went in the trash bags. If no Nike athlete hadn’t posted a picture on Instagram with it in their hands or wearing it, it went in the trash bags. Oregon runs a tight ship so that they never get on the bad side of Carson.”

When asked why the program had ran up such a large marijuana tab, athletic director Rob Mullens stated that the football program would not be able to function properly without a constant influx of quality reefer.

“Over the past decade, our football program has become far more reliant on the kush,” said Mullens. “It gives our student athletes an edge out on the field. The grass in Eugene is unlike anywhere else in the country. With programs like Colorado and Washington catching on and relishing in the benefits of mary jane usage, it’s crucial that our athletes are able to keep up with the competition. Making sure we always have joints on hand for our boys is just a piece to the puzzle.”

Mullens stated that under head coach Willie Taggart, the Oregon football program will decrease their overall consumption of costly dank and opt for more cost-effective in-house dope. 


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