Nintendo of America have announced Wednesday they will sell off their majority stake in the Seattle Mariners following allegations of rampant mushroom usage, facilitated by the consumer electronic company, within the Mariners organization.
Allegations of mushroom use, in particular the addictive and illegal green and red mushrooms, have hovered over the baseball club since last summer when video surfaced online of Seattle Mariners slugger Nelson Cruz consuming red mushrooms within the Mariners locker room and doubling in size.
Mariners reliever David Collins also appeared to have been caught on videotape last fall consuming green mushrooms in the Safeco Field dugout just before being called out to pitch the 8th inning for the second time in as many days.
These mushroom allegations came to a boiling point last night when, following their rout of the Houston Astros at home, a photo posted to social media appeared to show a yellow-and-red colored mushroom bitten into that was located inside the bag of Mariners second baseman Robinson Cano. Cano denied possessing the mushroom during the postgame press conference.
While no punishment as been handed down by Major League Baseball against any player within the Mariners organization, it is believed that these players have obtained the mushrooms from Nintendo whose North American headquarters is located less than an hour east of Seattle. It has been speculated for years that Nintendo manages a private and illegal mushroom garden somewhere within the Cascade Mountain that supplies many of its notable employees who have mushroom addictions including Mario and Luigi.
Current Nintendo of America President and C.O.O. Reggie Fils-Aime says that Nintendo selling their stake in the Seattle Mariners has nothing to do with the allegations of mushroom use within the organization and denies they are involved with the distribution of mushrooms.
“Nintendo is gearing up for the launch of a new console next year and quite frankly, following the flop of the Wii U, we can’t afford to have three strikes in a row so we’re offloading the Mariners before they ruin our company anymore,” said Fils-Aime in a press conference Wednesday morning following the announcement of the sale. “With regards to mushroom use, we have never produced or come in contact with the highly addictive and illegal red and green mushrooms. While I can’t get into specifics of what Cruz, Collins, Cano and other players within the Mariners organization are consuming since it is a trade secret, I can tell you it is far from anything having to do with mushrooms.”