I’d like to start out this Nickname Wars by saying I’m sorry after one week of existence, the Spor Repor went on a vacation. It’s not that we are lazy (we are a tad bit) but we ended up hitting an iceberg known as Dead Week followed up by its brother Finals. Anyways, Spor Repor will be back at 100% starting next week until of course we hit another immovable object known as holidays with the parents.
Anyways, onto our second nickname war. Following a wonderful feedback to our first nickname war involving the Western Indoor Soccer League that landed our post on the league website (yeah, someone likes us) as well as some help from the people over at goalWA who spread the story around, we decided to fast track, and by that I mean we were originally going to have this be our next wars and I had already made the graphics, the Evergreen Premier League (EPLWA) to the frontline to find out whose got what it takes to be named victor of this week’s Nickname Wars.
For those who are unaware of the EPLWA’s existence prior to this war, let me give you a bit of background. Founded by a bunch of guys who liked the English Premier League acronym but didn’t want to get sued, the Evergreen Premier League consists of currently eight soccer teams across the evergreen state of Washington. Unlike the WISL, the EPLWA actually knows there is a part of Washington east of the Cascades (Wenatchee doesn’t count as east) and stretches across the entire state, except for of course the panhandle which has been banished from existence ever since it helped spawn the agonizing Twilight series (thank god Twin Peaks is coming back). Anyways, let’s begin with the opening round of action.
Alliance (Kitsap) vs Capitals (Wenatchee):
Ha, and you thought we were going to use WestSound FC but because we at the Spor Repor are great journalist, we know that the organization is currently going under rebranding and switching all of their teams over to the Kitsap Alliance identity so ha, we’re smart. Anyways, Wenatchee wins here only because after just talking about Twilight, my mind is in young adult fiction world and boy, the Capital from the Hunger Games series is pretty fierce. So yeah Kitsap, or WestSound, or whatever you want to be called, I’d rebrand your rebrand before it was too late.
Hammers (Bellingham) vs Hoppers (Yakima):
In what couldn’t be a tougher opening round matchup, I have to pit the twin of the first ever Nickname Wars against a team from my birthplace and hometown that wasn’t cliche enough to name itself after a damn fruit (come on Pippins, the Sun Kings nickname was out there ripe for the picking). I mean, I’m going to give Yakima the benefit of the doubt (unlike Spokane in a minute cause well, my high schools played their high schools) and say that you meant to put a graphic of a kangaroo on your logo instead of beer hops to give you a fighting chance. I’m sorry though, it’s real to beat a bunch of fully functional hammers flying through the air. I’m going to have to give Bellingham the winner. Yakima, when I come back home on next week, please let me off the plane.
Shadow (Spokane) vs Shock (South Sound):
Here’s the thing Spokane, you would’ve won this one if anywhere on your logo or heck, even jerseys, you put an image of a hedgehog. But, since you decided on a literal shadow rather than a video game character or a vigilante from 1930s who was voiced by Orson Welles on the radio for pete sakes, the Shock win handily. I mean really Spokane, no one is ever going to call their team the nyctophobics so you’ll never win with the just shadow nickname alone. I need more to work with!
Stars (Seattle) vs Victory (Vancouver):
Tacoma, honestly, when will you learn. Wait…what’s that…a team not based in Tacoma but Seattle is nicknamed the Stars. Seattle, didn’t you see the last Nickname Wars. Did you think that you’d get off scot-free if you used the same nickname as your Tacoma cousin. I was this close to giving you the win Seattle, out of pity, until I found out that Vancouver wasn’t simply giving themselves a better sounding name than Vancouver Won FC and instead there’s a type of boat or something like that called the Victory. Because of that, Vancouver wins hands down.
In the next installment of the Nickname Wars, the semifinals and finals for the English, I mean Evergreen Premier League. Will Bellingham be home to our first two Nickname Wars champs? Is a hammer as strong as a mocking jay? Will I ever be able to live in Yakima peacefully ever again? Tune in to find out.