G’day mates! I’ve been mad like a woman’s breakfast recently with no tucker in my fridge and my classes making me knock up to early in the morning. It doesn’t help when one of my professors has a face like a dropped pie. I go off like a frog in a sock thinking about how many of these general education classes I have to take my fourth year. I’d rather be sipping some Fosters with a vegemite sandwich while looking after a joey of my own…
Okay so that’s all the Australian I’m going to speak during this Nickname Wars. I’m sorry Aussies but other than the Crocodile Hunter, your language doesn’t make itself over stateside that often for slang to pick up steam. Heck, when we hear the word bird, us Yankees still only think of that Alfred Hitchcock movie or when our parents gave us the sex talk when we were young little tikes.
For those wondering why on Earth I’m talking about Australia, it has to do with this week’s Nickname Wars. Just because baseball is known as America’s pastime doesn’t mean it can’t be played in any other country. While Latin America and Asia are known as the alternative hotbeds of baseball, the country and continent (honestly, just pick one) of Australia has its own league: the Australian Baseball League. The league is after its edition of the World Series, known as the ABL Championship Series, that goes from February 6th-8th and can be seen on the MLB Network here in the USA.
We at Spor Repor thought it would be a nice time to study abroad for the weekend and find out whose got what it takes in the ABL to win this international edition of the Nickname Wars. Without further ado, let’s go troppo!
Bandits (Brisbane) vs Bite (Adelaide):
I’d first like to thank Adelaide for having a graphic of a shark in their logo because “Bite” is a pretty vague nickname. Technically “Bite” could reference a suckling baby who just got their first tooth in. No one wants that as a mascot other than a daycare tee ball team. The problem with Adelaide though in this battle with Brisbane is, while a shark is a pretty fierce animal that’s up their in the rankings thanks to their bite, a shark is a water-based animal. Last time I checked, bandits usually carry guns on them and since a shark is unable to charge a bandit head on like a rhino or a really pissed off kangaroo, it’s at the mercy of a confined space. Unless this shark happens to have some Jaws-like moves and somehow sneaks up on the bandit from beneath the water level, the bandits ends up winning in the end.
Cavalry (Canberra) vs Heat (Perth):
I get it Perth, you’re all by yourself out there on the lonely west coast of Australia away from your friends over on the gold coast and because of it you don’t know how team nicknames are supposed to work. I understand that “Heat” is a well-known term in baseball which works great out there on the field but this is Nickname Wars and you’re at a disadvantage because…well…you’re just weather. You don’t think the Cavalry can handle a little hot weather? If they can handle grown men riding on their backs for days and weeks on end, I think they can handle hundred degree weather during the day. The only way the Heat could win is if managed to evaporate every single water supply and have the Cavalry die of thirst. I don’t predict that happening in our time limit though so the Cavalry win
Side-note: Adelaide and Perth are the two teams in this year’s ABL Championship Series. Let’s just say they should just stick to baseball.
Aces (Melbourne) vs Bandits (Brisbane):
Okay, I’m going to be honest, I just watched the original Mad Max film last weekend so all of my decision regarding the Bandits are directly based off of all of those guys who killed Max’s wife and child (the movie came out in 1979 so I felt no need for a spoiler alert). While they were known for ruling the highways, you’d think that’d make them easy targets for the Aces out in the open Outback. However, Brisbane and Melbourne aren’t located in the Outback and are large metropolitan cities. This plays into the Bandits advantage as no matter which city plays home to this battle, they have effectively taken out the Aces main attack strategy. The Aces end up grounding themselves and turning into tanks with a lot less armor and a lot less mobility. The Bandits pounce on the planes from the rooftops of buildings and win.
Blue Sox (Sydney) vs Cavalry (Canberra):
…the Cavalry have to fight an article of clothing. Nonetheless, I think you can see where this battle is going. I get Sydney honoring the Boston Red Sox and Chicago White Sox and naming their team after a different color of sock but in the realm of Nickname Wars, that’s a bad nickname heritage to hook your wagon to. Because I want to save the trees, I’m going to call it for Canberra and move along to the main event.
Bandits (Brisbane) vs Cavalry (Canberra):
This is truly a great matchup for the finals. The Bandits and Cavalry are both based in the on the ground, have their best stuff out in the wide open plains, and harken back to the days of the Wild West (I don’t know Australia’s equivalent. Just watch Mad Max and it’s basically like that). In fact, this is the good guys (Cavalry) versus the bad guys (Bandits) so it’s a perfect matchup. Based off of this fact, the victor might have already been declared. Let’s look at the facts. Bad guys never win in the movies. I just watched Mad Max this past weekend and that movie is set in Australia and is the tale of a loose group of cops looking to take down a group of outlaws whose taken control of the highways in the Outback. At the end of Mad Max, Max officially becomes mad and manages to take down the entire outlaw crew on his own just like that (personally a little too fast for my taste at least in comparison with the rest of the movie’s tempo). I like horses.
When the dust settles, the Cavalry win thanks to their increased mobility over the Bandits and the fact that I like horses.
Winner: Canberra Cavalry