Colts (Indianapolis) vs Patriots (New England)

I’m mean…because I’m an American, it’s almost no contest. Of course the Patriots are going to win.

Let’s face it, the Colts have only one attack which is to run at the Patriots in full charge and hope they knock them out or kill them with the first hit. This proves difficult when you factor in the fact that Patriots have guns to, you know, shoot the horse. If Barbaro has to be put down after hurting his leg, then what chance do you think a colt has against a musket blast to anywhere on the body.

While the musket has horrible reload time, the Patriot only needs the first shot to hit any part of the horse and he or she wins. Have you seen the size of a typical horse? They are pretty freaking big. It’s not like the Patriots has to try and shoot a cobra in tall grass.

So yeah, Patriots win. And no, just because I am a Patriots fan doesn’t mean this Nickname Wars is tainted by any means. I am a respectable journalist for pete sakes, I know how to keep my priorities in order. Now if you excuse me, my microwave has been going off for the past five minutes (I knew I should’ve have started writing this article prior to reheating the leftover lasagna).

Winner: Patriots (New England)