Cougars (BYU) vs Tigers (Memphis)

Hold on one second, I’m going to need my glasses on for this one.

In what stacks up as a big cat versus a big cat (real original guys), the Cougars of BYU take on the Tigers of Memphis. Since these are literally just two big damn cats that have nothing different physically between them (I’m not a scientist so don’t quote me on that) other than their fur, this battle could go either way. For this battle, the home of each cat will play a major part in my final decision.

The Cougar of BYU is a very respectable cat in the feline kingdom. Not giving into any of the seven deadly sins, the Cougars lives a clean lifestyle, believes in marital chastity, and having fantastic musicals based off their religious beliefs.

Meanwhile, the Tiger of Memphis is a mean S.O.B. who don’t take lip from no one. Born and raised in the South’s answer to Detroit, the Tiger is hard to the bone and has had his share of fights growing up so it’s ready to cap a Cougar on the gridiron if push comes to shove (it’s football so I imagine the probability of pushing and shoving is high).

In the end however, the Tiger loses against the Cougar because of the location of the bowl. With Miami and South Beach being synonymous for partying, the Tiger won’t listen to advice and head out to party the night before the game and wake up hung over and incapable to find their car keys cause they traded their car last night while drunk to that guy for that massive bag of sugar. That’s what it was…sugar…and nothing else.

Winner: Cougars (BYU)