Man Wondering If His Sick Parkour Skills Can Still Pick Up Dudes – Sportsverse

Long after the “sport” reached its fever pitch in the late 2000s, one Oregon resident is wondering if his countless hours of practicing to become a parkour master can be considered a valuable attribute when trying to find a date.

Austin Cowlishaw of Beaverton, who goes by the moniker LumberCat in parkour circles, is wondering if parkour skills matter at all in the 2016 dating scene. Cowlishaw openly shows off his skills, including shots of him in action, on his Grindr profile but hasn’t seen much interest in them from matches over the last few years. 

“All they want to do is take it slow. They never want to take life and mix it up,” said Cowlishaw. “They never seem impressed by my signature cat leap. They never are impressed when I open the door for them after vaulting over the hood of the car. Guys used to be impressed by stuff like this. Now they just want to know my favorite craft brewery. Then when I say 10 Barrel they look at me like the devil.”

Cowlishaw, who has recently taken up cross-fit in order to keep up with fads, says he’s disappointed that the once great sport of parkour is now an afterthought in the minds of people.

“Things used to be great back in the 2000s. Parkour was fun and made us feel fancy free. You feel like a superhero when your traversing local jungle gyms and park benches. Marvel movies are popular, right? Why don’t people want to be superheroes anymore? It’s sad that guys only look at me for my body and not what I can do with it. It used to be different. Now the only thing anyone cares about it is what your 10k time is.”