In a press conference Saturday morning, the Canadian Football League announced plans to build a border wall on the Canadian border with the United States in order to keep the National Football League out. 

To combat shrinking TV viewership and attendance numbers, CFL owners have reportedly been trying to devise a way to keep who they believe the main perpetrator is, the NFL, from coming into contact any further with Canadian citizens. The border wall plan, which had been discussed behind closed doors until now, became the official plan Saturday after owners held a lengthy meeting in Toronto Friday evening. 

“Our owners have decided that it’s in the best interest of the Canadian people to build a wall on the Canada-US border,” stated CFL commissioner Jeffrey Orridge. “The National Football League have ravaged the minds of the Canadian football fan. They have tainted how people think football should truly be played and look like. Our goal with this wall is to halt the NFL and their drugs and their crimes from entering our country without the express written consent of the Canadian Football League. The CFL plans to make Canadian football great again and this is the first step toward that goal.”

When asked how the border wall will be funded, Orridge stated “Don’t worry. The National Football League is going to pay for the wall. The NFL owners are going to want to pay for the wall after we threaten to prevent them from being able to sign our league’s star players to their practice squads. I guarantee that the NFL is going to pay for the wall.”

In a written statement published on the league website, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell responded to the CFL’s border wall announcement by saying “the Jacksonville Jaguars have officially announced they plan on relocating for the 2017-18 season to Toronto.”