As the classic breakup saying goes, “It wasn’t you, it was me.” This is a phrase sports journalists however will not saying after their sudden divorce from the Associated Press Stylebook.

During a recent business trip to Pittsburgh, the AP Stylebook decided enough was enough and took away one of the sports journalist’s most prized possessions: the ability to call a home run whatever they want.

It was determined by the AP Stylebook that a home run could only be called a homer from now on and not one of the many other perfect synonyms such dingers, jacks, or bombs. This was based around the new idea that sports journalists should “avoid hackneyed words and phrases, redundancies and exaggerations”. (That’s right, I’m used the British English rule regarding periods and parenthesis. Quite frankly, I think it makes more sense.)

Some of the other notable changes that made sports journalists ask for an immediate divorce were the substitution of “never trailed” for “never looked back” when regarding a football team running away with a win (there goes every single Oregon football game recap I’ve ever done) and the nixing of the phrase “unanswered points” in favor of “straight points”.

While the divorce will still take place between sports journalists and the AP Stylebook, the AP have already given some promising new changes to the book in an attempt to win the sports journalists back. These changes include terms “parking the bus” and “Tommy John surgery” as accepted phrases (yet somehow dinger isn’t) and the ability to use the terms Sweet 16, Elite Eight, and Final Four because apparently AP is only updated on new social terminology every two decades. Personally, I can’t wait for LOL to be acceptable to use in 2035.

Following this news, we at Spor Repor hope these rule changes don’t reach the fragile sports broadcasters and journalist who need them most. There’s a reason Chris Berman still uses the word “back” a half a dozen times in a row. It’s because everyone is afraid telling him that sextuple repetition of a singular word is bad grammar would break his heart and send him into a deep depression. Our hearts go out to you Boomer. Stay strong.