Team Name: Allen Americans

Alter Ego: Allen Texas-Americans

League: ECHL (East Coast Hockey League)

True Rival: The sport of football, suburbia

Hometown: Allen, Texas

Where Not To Stay When Visiting From Out Of Town: Inside any building built by the people who built Allen High School’s football stadium.

Home Venue: Allen Event Center – 6,275 (otherwise known as the former home of Terrell Owens)

Nearest Bar To Pre-Game At: Kelly’s At The Village – 100 feet (no joke)

Best Player Name:┬áJamie Schaafsma (His last name is so cool, it’s pronounced Shafts-MUH even though there no reason for a “T” sound to be anywhere in his name)

Worst Player Name: Tyler Ludwig (It’s a total rip-off of this other guy on the team whose name is Trevor Ludwig. I mean, he even stole Trevor’s exact birthday and birthplace)

Chances In A Nickname War: I mean c’mon, they’re Americans. Only thing that could beat them is heart disease or diabetes and I don’t see any teams with those nicknames.

Likelihood They Will Retweet This Story: 17.76%

Interesting Fact: Former Dallas Star and greatest American hockey player of all-time Mike Modano is a co-owner of the team.